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Installing A Husband (Old story but funny)

Apr 18, '08 12:30 PM
for everyone

Subject: INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower

and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable

programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no

longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried

running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband

1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2

and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works

as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications

Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to

default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the

background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are

unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory

and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying

additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking

3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

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19 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

shutterblog wrote on Apr 18

dkcn wrote on Apr 18

there is the wife version too...

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0 , Goingtothepub 7.5 , and Softball 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .. Please
help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

____________ _________ _________ _______
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/
Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on
improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE!
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance
. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and
Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this
happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Can i borrow yours? =D